A schedule for the closest Alcoholics Anonymous meeting
A sub-machine gun
A 12-foot-long boa constrictor
A $300,000 bulletproof Mercedes-Maybach
All chauffeurs to wear only 100% cotton clothes – no manmade fibres
A bald-headed, toothless hooker
A late model Mercedes-Maybach (’57 or / ’62) with tinted windows
Two bottles of red Italian wine from the Bolgheri region
Nobody to vacuum within earshot
20 international phone lines
Personal dry-cleaning service
Light-pink roses that have stems trimmed to precisely six inches
A wooden pond to be constructed in the backstage area and filled with koi carp /
Mary J. Blige
Every hotel room to have a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign punctuated with 26 exclamation points
Matching table lamps
Private toilet (with new toilet seat)
A police escort
Two girls under 21
One ladies’ hair dryer
A miniature golf course
All coffee to be stirred only counterclockwise
The Rolling Stones
A room for their travelling snooker table
20 white kittens and 100 doves
Pink carpet and pink podium
Confetti shaped as butterflies
No busy patterns in the living room space, which has to be heated to 75 degrees
LL Cool J
K1200 RS SE motorbike
Famous for their non-permitted items on tour:
No light sabers, garden gnomes, fireworks,
weapons, tridents or spiked bracelets
Iggy Pop and The Stooges
Seven dwarfs dressed as if they were due to meet Snow White
A BMW K1200 RS SE motorbike
One monitor man who speaks good English and is not afraid of death
Nineteen leafy six-foot plants, four leafy four-foot plants, vegetarian catering only and absolutely no animal by-products anywhere
A luxury fivebedroomed home to be built within the grounds of London’s 02 Arena for him to use
Mini Babybel cheese
Small, clear, square vases with white tulips, if in season, and strictly no foliage (second choice: white Casablanca lilies with no foliage; third choice: white Freesia with no foliage)
A clean rug so she can walk on it in her bare feet
An American sign-language interpreter for their deaf fans /
Un intérprete de lenguaje por señas americano para sus fans sordos
One pink mannequin with puffy pink pubic hair
Old rock posters of David Bowie, Queen, Elton John and Billie Holiday
One smoothie station
Non-smelly, non-sweaty cheese
Four dozen natural-scented incense sticks
A framed photo of Princess Diana
100 figs and prunes
Very, very small plums
Three walls covered in pink fluff
One framed picture of Carl Sagan
“Ideally – no less than 10 percent of all security personnel should be female.”
24 long-stem roses
A small bottle of Johnson’s baby oil
“No Styrofoam or plastic goods shall be used in preparation of food, because of the state of the environment” Flintstones chewable vitamins
Three oxygen tanks available at load-in and the doctor must be able to administer a B12 shot.
Plenty of fire extinguishers.
A container of organic dried blueberries
A box of quality assorted olives
A variety of quality chocolates such as
Rose petals in her toilet
A small jar of kosher dill pickle spears
A six-foot long mirror and a three-foot razor blade
A wig room
A life-size cardboard cut-out of himself
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Whole, pitted dates and raw unsalted cashews
Three boxes of condoms and one gallon of Hennessey
Scented candles that must smell like baked goods
Buckets of spicy fried chicken – no thighs, lots of wings
Juicy baked chicken, heavily seasoned with fresh garlic, season salt, black pepper and Cayenne pepper
A coffee table must be in Perspex in a modern style
A pair of floor lamps in a French ornate style
Two comfortable egg chairs
All drivers must not converse with her and be directed not to stare at the backseat through the mirror
European lager beer, sandwiches without tomatoes
No citrus fruits or
Any fan scoreing free
tickets has to make a
donation to charity
– no exceptions
Soft toilet tissue
A 12-pack of condoms and a bucket of KFC
That his fan club is given backstage access at 11am on the day of a show to decorate his dressing room
No bananas in the building
A homemade guacamole recipe
A hockey puck from a local team wherever he plays
An assortment of porn magazines
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